Motherhood is no walk in the park. Needless to say, spelling bees are easier than raising kids. In this piece, we’re going to address ‘guilt’. Yes, why do mums feel so guilty? Still confused?
Let’s take a small test. Answer the following in ‘Yes’ or ‘No’.
- Do you feel guilty when you are not home when your kids come from school?
- Do you enjoy your job and having a career but feel that your kids never seem to feel that you spend enough time with them?
- Do you feel bad trying to get the kids to bed as quickly as possible, only cause you want to get dressed and go for a nice dinner with your friends?
- Do you feel a nagging sensation when you are just thinking of planning a couple of nights away with your husband?
If you answered, ‘Yes’ to any of the questions above then you’re a victim of guilt.
It seems that with the birth of a child comes the birth of an invisible twin called guilt. Of course, there is no “What to Expect When You’re Expecting Guilt” book that we have heard of anyway – and most people will not want to rain on your parade by introducing the whole guilt theme that comes with having kids. So, what is it, why do we feel guilty and how do we get rid of it?
The History of Guilt
When we were kids, our mums felt guilty about not spending enough time with us, maybe forgetting a performance or not paying attention while we were chatting away about some micro detail that happened in our day. As adults, that guilt got transferred onto us about our mothers. We don’t call them enough, we don’t spend enough time with them, maybe we avoid a call here and there. And finally, we also feel guilty when it comes to our kids (double guilt) by thinking if we spend enough time with them, are we doing what’s best for them, are we paying enough attention to them etc.
Mumz who have kids or are fortunate to still have their mums around are constantly in a guilt limbo. It’s a mum thing. The guilt is natural and is part and parcel of being a mum because you want what is best for your kids and you strive to give them everything you can from the right advice to the best education. After all, we want them to have a great and secure life. The burden is on you! If something were to go wrong; you feel it is because of something you did or didn’t do or should have done.
Circling back to our initial question – so, how do you get rid of guilt?
Quite frankly, we doubt you can ever get rid of it. There’s no way to avoid these feelings but for a moment here, ask yourself, “Wouldn’t it be better to give your kids your undivided attention after you have had a little time out for yourself? When you can go out and be you. Not a mum or wife but the good old you?”
The guilt is there no matter what, but how you deal with it is what we believe will help you lead a more content and satisfied life. Let’s look at our top 4 tips on how you can deal with the guilt trip:
Admit that you need time to do something for yourself. Try not to just plough on and ignore yourself. It’s completely O.K and natural to want and need time for yourself. Time out will make you more patient, more appreciative and a better mum.
Find the right balance for YOU. Make room for your kids, family and yourself.
Comparing yourself to other mums can be a downfall right from the get-go. Just like you wouldn’t compare your kids; you too should not compare yourself. Every mum has her own circumstances, beliefs, values, thoughts and opinions. Do what is best for you and your family, not what other people think is the best for you and your family.
Talk It Out
Your kids need to understand that it’s not the end of the world to want time for yourself and that you don’t love them any less if you do so. Keep the conversation going and open up to them about your feelings.
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Have a great day Mumz!