Every mum wants her morally disciplined children. But all parents know that disciplining kids is no piece of cake. Some parents avoid conflict with their kids, even if it means to leave them undisciplined. However, kids need guidelines and rules to be good and disciplined people. To help you create a balance between wanting to avoid conflict, and disciplining your kids. We gathered the top four things you should avoid when you discipline your kids.
Why do I need to discipline my kids?
- – To teach and guide them correctly.
- – Your discipline for them shows them you care.
- – It provides them with the emotional care they need.
- – It builds foundations of trust between parents and kids.
- – To foster appropriate behavior in your child.
- – It helps them mature emotionally.
- – Teaches them right from wrong.
- – They learn to respect others.
- – Creates a sense of responsibility by dealing with the consequences.
Mistakes to avoid when disciplining your kids
1| Not following through with punishment
Some parents lean towards giving empty threats rather than giving punishments. Those threats can solve bad behavior at that moment. But not sticking to the punishments will teach your kids that they can get away with anything. Or you simply feel bad about following through. Rather than giving warnings and not following through them. We suggest you provide another punishment that equally does the trick.
For example, you promised your son to go to his friend’s house. But then he showed bad behavior, like not cleaning his room as promised. So, you say you won’t take him there anymore as punishment. In such situations, we suggest you leave the room and sit by yourself for a bit. Wait until you calm down then go back to your son. Tell him that he will go as you promised. But for his bad behavior, he won’t get screen time tomorrow. This will teach them to deal with consequences, while also keeping up promises.
2| Giving sugar coated requests
Some mums told us that when asking their kids to do chores, they would refuse. Their kids would ignore them or simply say “that is not my job”. Breaking this down, we realized that those mums gave nice sugar coated requests rather than direct orders.
As mums, we need to be nice and easy. But not too nice and easy for our children to take advantage of us. You are a mum, you are the boss of your home, and well, you are the boss of your children. Don’t hesitate to assign them tasks clearly and strictly. Use clear sentences, not questions like:
- “Clean your room”
- “We start doing homework at 4”
- “Screen time is only for 30 minutes”
- “You can watch one episode only today”
Those crystal clear sentences will help you discipline your child effectively and effortlessly.
3| letting bad behavior slide
Never, ever let bad behavior slide without consequences. If your child breaks a house rule, that they already knew, you should show punishment. Otherwise, the problem will snowball, and bad behavior will get out of hand.
Make clear house rules that everyone follows, even yourself. Like no electronics after 8. Leave no room for discussion because, after all, you are doing what is best for them. To do this well, give them the freedom to choose what to do during their allowed screen time. Like watching television, or playing video games. But once the time is up, there is no discussion that it is up.
At first, they will retaliate. They will beg and beg to have one more minute or one more episode. But you need to be sure not to budge. Instead, help look forward to that with good behavior, they will get another round of screen time tomorrow.
4| Trying to make your kids happy at any cost
Did your child ever throw a tantrum over a piece of candy in the middle of the grocery store? Well, don’t worry, we have all been there. And we usually just give in and get the candy in spite of our disapproval. But that is not right at all. This is one of the worst mistakes we can make in the journey of disciplining our kids.
But how to get through those public tantrums? There are two things we can suggest. One, if you want to take your kid grocery shopping with you. Make sure to do so after a big meal time. Hungry children are more cranky and more likely to throw tantrums over candies. Two, talk to your kid. Let them know you understand their feelings, and promise them an alternative. Like making their favorite cake or cookies when you get home.
The most important thing is not to give in. This is not just about candy, but it is about teaching them big life lessons. Like controlling their emotions, and having a will to be patient and wait.
Unhealthy reasons that may lead you to avoid when you discipline your kids
You don’t want to upset your child.
Some parents don’t have the heart to see their child upset. Especially if they are the reason behind it. But that will do more damage than actually disciplining your kid. You see, you need to teach your child how to feel things and how to deal with them. We all feel upset at times, and so do our children. So, it is our duty as parents to teach them how to act when they are upset. And how to keep their emotions under control, rather than throwing tantrums all over. Remember, you can’t make your way through the world by just throwing tantrums.
Your child might think you are mean.
Yes, they actually might think so. But you need to remember, this is a short-term issue. The next day, week, or year – your kids will thank you for those moments. Because disciplining your child means raising a good, productive, and committed person.
Being the bad guy is not fun.
Some parents feel they are divided into a good cop, and a bad cop. If you are the one who always lays down rules and guidelines, while your spouse lets your kids run around freely. Then it may want you to discipline them less. However, that is very unhealthy for your family. You need to sit down and have a conversation with your spouse. The both of you need to agree on a parenting plan that does not turn one of you into a villain.
You already had a fall out with your kids yesterday.
In many situations, parents avoid disciplining their kids because they already gave them a hard time not too long ago. They think that just because they disciplined their kids yesterday, doesn’t mean they need to do so today. But that is wrong. You need to show your kids that rules are rules, and you will enforce them.
You’re too tired to do it
We know that sometimes you are so drained and exhausted. That you just want to lay there and do nothing. Even if your kids needed hours of endless disciplining. But think of the consequences of letting things slide and neglecting them.
We believe that at first, this will take a big chunk of your energy. The good news is, it will take less effort down the road.
